The show starts with a review of Vince last week. He talked about faking his death, the US Congress, the IRS, the hypocrisy of the media, his family, and then it showed him leaving the way he did when he “blew up”. Finally it ended what Coach stopping Vince with the paternity papers.
Music and pyro.
JR and King talk about the coronation tonight.
All the wrestlers surround the ring – from RAW, SD! and ECW. Vince’s music and he swaggers out to the ring. Vince takes a mic and says he was a little surprised with the news last week. He was shocked at the news that he has an illegitimate child. He admits to one or two rendevous in his life. He doesn’t remember what the woman looks like, or her name. She withholding the name of the child from him. This is far beyond a paternity suit, it’s extortion. He can’t be intimidated by US Congress, the media or by some woman who should have been on the Pill. He takes solace in the fact that all… “Who’s your baby?” chant. He takes solace that all the wrestlers around the ring are all in support of him. Every single member of his family is in support of him as well. He asks for our support as well. He says this can happen to any red blooded American male. “Boo” He’s been in the spotlight for 30 years, nothing bothers him. Nothing can bother him any longer.
Music cuts him off and Steph comes out in a short black skirt and black wide necked top. She says she’s glad nothing bothers him. She would have told him in private, but since he accused her of a publicity stunt last week. She cried her eyes out. What he put her, Shane and their mother through.
Vince starts saying it’s all about the money.
She says that he’s the one who got slapped with a paternity suit by someone he doesn’t even remember. She doesn’t even feel bad about what she’s going to say in public. She says she came from the lawyer’s office and her half brother or sister is standing outside this ring right now. His bastard is a WWE superstar.
Vince looks slowly around the ring as wrestlers point fingers at each other. Steph leaves the ring. Vince walks around the inside of the ring looking into the face of each wrestler. He smirks, looks confused, shakes his head and leaves the ring. At the bottom of the stairs he gets face to face with Kennedy who just smirks at him Vince then turns and looks at Mark Henry who says something before Vince walks up the ramp.
Video of the surgery on Lashley’s shoulder. They show how Kennedy injured the shoulder by kicking him. Lashley says he blames himself, but Kennedy’s going to pay for it. He’s getting his shoulder fixed and coming back. He says he’s not broken. He says he’ll rest for 2-3 hours after surgery, then go back to training.
Kennedy comes down to the ring. The mic comes from above. He says he’s the man who took out our big hero Lashley. Before he can get through his name the first time, Sandman’s music hits and he comes through the crowd. He doesn’t have any beer again tonight. He walks the rail and rallies the crowd before entering the ring.
They lock up and Sandman gets backed into a corner. He pushes Kennedy away during the break. A hammer lock on Sandman who gets away. They push each other a bit until Sandman throws some punches and starts to gain control. A Russian leg sweep to Kennedy. Sandman climbs but Kennedy hits a snap mare off the top. Kennedy stomps Sandman and then flings him into a corner. Kennedy slams a knee into Sandman’s face in a corner. Kennedy slams Sandman and covers for three.
– Winner: Kennedy
The mic drops again and he announces himself as the winner.
Out back Coach and Vince talk. Vince says it’s one thing to have an illegitimate child. It’s another thing to be told by his daughter that the child is on his roster.
Coach says it’s okay.
Vince says it’s not okay.
Coach says they can go through the roster and look at the ages. They have to start with the age Vince became sexually active. Coach asks about 20.
Vince shakes his head.
Coach asks about 17, then 15, then 13.
Vince says he was almost a teenager.
Coach is in shock.
“Wooooooooooooo” from behind Vince. Flair just keeps saying “Wooooooooooooo” and grinning.
Promo for Orton.
WWE Rewind – Vince called for a Battle Royal last week. The winner would be the new GM. Sandman thinks he’s won, but Regal re-enters the ring after faking an injury early in the match. Regal is the new GM.
Regal is out back saying he’s dressed as Simon because they’re doing WWE Idol tonight. He says that he’s happy they’re there to sing Hall & Oats. JBL and Cole start singing, badly, wearing wigs.
Maria comes up and Regal says she did so well she will be a judge tonight. Then she and Ron can go on their date. Santino says there will be no date and he wants to be on Idol so he can sing a romantic song to Maria so she forgets about her date with Ron. Santino drags Maria away while she tells him to stop acting that way.
Ron looks over at JBL and Cole, still in their bad wigs. They start singing ‘Rich Girl’. They ask Ron who his favorite 80’s band was. Ron says… “Wham!”
Cryme Tyme Tyme comes down to the ring. JTG gets the crowd ‘yo’ing. He does some cheap pos and hands the mic to Shad. He gets the crowd going with “money money, yeah yeah.” He goes to King and has him “yeah yeah”. They ask Lillian to stand. They decide to sell Lillian’s seat, right out from under her. And they will sign it.
They start at $400 and they find Bow Wow in the front row! They get up to $500, then $700. Someone has $1000. Shad starts counting the money and hands over the chair!
Cade and Murdoch’s music starts playing and they come out to stop the fun.
Murdoch is beating Shad down in a corner. Shad starts fighting back but Cade tags in. Cade sends his shoulder into Shad’s corner a number of times. Murdoch tags in. Shad fights back with punches but Murdoch hits a Russian leg sweep for two. Murdoch drops a knee on Shad. Murdoch gets a shoulder/neck lock on Shad while he sits on the mat. Shad gets driven face first into the second turn buckle.
Shad is able to get to his corner and JTG tags in. JTG takes down Murdoch and then climbs. A flying leg drop and JTG covers for two until the ref covers. Cade and Murdoch double team JTG behind the ref’s back. Murdoch covers JTG but Shad is pissed. Shad grabs the auctioned off chair and beats Murdoch’s back with the chair.
– Winners: Cade & Murdoch
Cade and Murdoch roll from the ring. JTG and Shad stand in the ring, Shad still with the chair, and yell at the red necks.
Another video promo for Orton.
JR and King talk about the coronation again. King is pissed about it.
Snitsky comes down to the ring. Rory and Robbie are int the ring, Robbie is wrestling.
A hard clothesline to Robbie. A cup handle slam to Robbie for three and it’s over.
– Winner: Snitsky
Snitsky kicks Robbie in the head. Rory rushes in and gets his own cup handle slam.
Out back Vince and Coach are talking. Vince is talking about having to do it in every state. He says he did it in a field, Mt. Rushmore, an ice berg.
Coach asks for all of Vince’s indiscretion. DNA tests would take too long. But with that list Coach could have it narrowed down by SNME.
Cody walks up and Vince starts looking him over closely. Cody says HE knows who his father is. Cody hands Vince something and says he thinks Vince needs it more than he does. Cody walks off.
Vince opens his hand to find a condom! Vince yells at Coach that he needs to sue the Trojan company.
Boogeyman pops up behind them singing ‘Cat In The Cradle’ focusing on the word Dad.
Coach says he does appear to have Vince’s eyes. Boogeyman laughs through the whole thing.
Grisham comes out on the stage to announce WWE Idol. The judges are – Regal. He says Grisham looks more feminine than Seacrest. Then Maria plays a perfect Paula. Foley is the third judge! He comes out to join the other two in the ring behind the judge’s table. Foley gives a cheap pop and this just shows he will do anything for money.
Grisham announces Jillian but there’s a “Foley” chant going on.
Jillian comes out in a low cut, short tight pink dress. She starts singing ‘Memories’, with her own lyrics in her horrible way.
Foley says for the first time he’s glad he had his right ear ripped off. Maria says he singing was… She looks very pretty. “You suck” chant. Regal says he should change tonight’s main event to Row v. Wade, as that was an abortion.
Accompanied by Finkle is Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik. The three come out. Finkle says we all should rise and respect his singing of the Soviet National Anthem. Volkoff sings (he’s really pretty good – I’m too young to remember when he used to do it).
Foley says it was classic and he didn’t let the fans effect him when the fans were chanting “USA”. Maria says he has a great singing voice, she just wished she could understand him. Regal says it’s a shame Volkoff didn’t loose his voice in the building the way the Iron Sheik lost his title. Iron Sheik goes into a tirade and Regal calls for security.
Grisham announces Lillian. Lillian says she’s from New York, so she sings ‘New York, New York’. She starts singing beautifully but Santino comes out and cuts her off. He says he outfit looks like Times Square lost a cheap prostitute. Santino sings ‘That’s Amore’. He’s not great.
Foley cuts him off, saying listening to it is almost as painful as watching him wrestle. Santino says Foley can’t talk to him like this. Santino demand Maria go with him. Maria says she’s still judging and can’t leave. Ron comes out. Santino asks if he’s going to keep rhyming, like the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. Ron chokes the heck out of Santino and drops him.
Regal says that Ron gave the best performance and wins.
Ron takes a mic and says… “Danm!”
Another Orton promo!
Cody Rhodes comes down to the ring. Haas and Benjamin are in the ring. Haas is wrestling.
A waistlock takedown to Cody. A hiplock takeover by Cody. Cody rolls Haas up for two. A side headlock on Haas. Haas drives his shoulder into Cody’s gut. Cody throws punches. A lateral press from Haas for two. A knee to Cody’s head. Haas covers for two. A headlock on Cody. Cody gets slammed to the mat. A leg drop to Cody for two. A chinlock on Cody. Cody gets bounces face first off the turn buckle. Cody comes back with forearms. A knee to Cody’s gut followed by a belly to belly and Haas covers for two. Another chinlock on Cody. Haas gets hung up on the top rope. Cody throws some punches and drops a knee. A dropkick to Haas followed by a bulldog. Cody climbs. Cody hits a cross body but Haas rolls through and covers for two. Cody manages an inside cradle for three.
– Winner: Cody Rhodes
Cody quickly hits the ramp while Benjamin and Haas yell at him from the ring.
Again they talk about the coronation. Jerry’s music starts and he gets to his feet.
WWE Slam of The Week – Booker talking about the loser having to crown the winner. Due to Sharmell Booker managed to beat Jerry.
Booker is in the ring with Sharmell, Jerry’s in the corner shaking his head. Sharmell takes a mic and welcomes us to the official coronation ceremony for the true king of the WWE, King Bookah. Booker takes a mic and thanks all his loyal subjects. In the history of kings there’s never been one so majestic or revered as King Booker. Last week he beat Jerry, who’s called himself King for over 30 year. He proved himself the one true King. He demands Jerry humble himself and place the crown on the dome of his King, King Bookah.
Jerry picks up the crown and thinks for a moment. Booker tells him to do it, and do it now! Jerry doesn’t and Booker asks what’s his problem. He tells him to do it now, in front of everyone.
Jerry has a mic and says Booker says he’s the only King. It’s not true and he isn’t, that’s why he isn’t. Before he entered the ring Jerry was given a note saying Booker’s going to have a match at SS.
HHH’s music plays and his video is on the screen. The crowd goes bloody crazy, but gets pissed when HHH isn’t there. Booker looks pissed.
Jerry drops the crown and stomps on it. Jerry starts beating on Booker until Sharmell jumps on Jerry’s back. Booker starts beating on Jerry until he rolls from the ring. Booker slams Jerry’s head into the stairs. JR starts screaming at Booker. Booker rips the front off the announce table and nails Jerry in the head with a monitor. JR goes crazy screaming at Booker. Booker starts threatening to attack JR if he says another word. “Asshole” chant.
JR is ranting about what happened to Jerry, how Booker acted. Video of the incident. JR is pissed. Grisham has stepped into Jerry’s place at the announce table. They go through the matches scheduled for SS.
Yet ANOTHER Orton promo!
Orton comes down to the ring for a tag match. He takes a mic and says Cena is the longest reigning WWE Champ in almost 2 decades. But in almost two weeks the fairy tale ride will be over. Everyone knows what Orton’s capable of. He doesn’t just beat people, he ends careers. He’s going to get a small taste of it tonight. For the people who hate Cena, Orton’s going to be their hero whether we like it or not. For those who favor Cena, he’s our worst nightmare. Nothing’s going to stop him at SS>
Orton is pacing the ring. Carlito comes out to tag with him. Umaga is out next. Cena is last, but not least, out to the ring. Carlito squirps out to the apron, watching the other two closely.
Umaga and Orton start. “Let’s go Cena – Cena sucks” opposing chants. Umaga takes Orton down and into a corner. Umaga tries to splash Orton but he moves. Carlito rushes in and Umaga double clotheslines them. Cena rushes in. They remove the heels from the ring. Cena and Umaga stare at each other.
Cena is bouncing Carlito’s head off the top turn buckle. Cena covers for two. More opposing Cena chants. Carlito gets whipped but gets his foot up into Cena’s face. A couple shoulders to Carlito and then a suplex. Cena hits the five knuckle shuffle. Cena gets Carlito up for the FU, but Orton grabs Carlito’s arm and pulls him off. Orton pulls Cena from the ring and stomps him while Carlito distracts the ref. Back in the ring Carlito covers for two. Orton tags in. Punches to Cena. Orton then stomps the back of Cena’s head. A drop kick to Cena.
Carlito tags in and stomps Cena. A shoulder to Cena’s gut in the corner and Cena falls to the mat. Cena blocks a suplex but isn’t able to block the neck breaker. Carlito covers for two. Carlito gets a chinlock on Cena and a knee to his spine. Cena manages to take Carlito down. Orton tags in and clotheslines Cena. Orton covers for two. Orton mounts Cena and throws punches. Orton stomps Cena. Orton tries to drop a knee but Cena moves. Carlito tags in. Cena gains control but Carlito takes him down and covers for two.
Orton tags in. An upper cut to Cena who hits the mat. “Randy Orton sucks!” chant. A chinlock on Cena in the center of the ring. More opposing Cena chants. Cena fights to his feet and out of the hold. Cena gets whipped but dodges out of Orton’s way. Both are down. Orton rolls to his corner and Carlito tags in. Carlito grabs Cena before he can tag. Carlito throws a bunch of punches. Cena hits a back body drop on Carlito.
Umaga is tagged in and takes out both Orton, who rushed in, and Carlito. Umaga covers Carlito but Orton breaks the count. A bum slam to Orton and an FU to Carlito. Cena covers for three.
– Winners: Cena & Umaga
Cena and Umaga celebrate in the ring.
Out back Vince is happy the night is over, he can’t wait to go home.
Coach asks if this is all of Vince’s indiscretions.
Vince says it’s all of them… For the 70’s. Vince goes on about himself and two flight attendants in a airplane bathroom. Vince is going on and on when Coach’s jaw drops.
Vince turns around and Linda is standing there.
Linda tells him that as of now, Vince doesn’t have a home.
HHH (when on the titan tron)
HHH (when he didn’t show up during the Booker/Jerry segment)